A peak behind the curtain

Let me begin this post by saying "this has nothing to do with decor, but everything to do with me". I've got a small pile of tissue next to me so, if you would rather be reading a DIY or advice on a home project... keep scrollin'.

So, the other day I was tagged in an innocent "Share 5 Facts" going around Instagram. I decided to share a bit of information that hits on a touchy spot. DEATH. I pulled the pin out of an information hand grenade, threw it into the Instagram universe and it went off in my hand. I had no idea I would receive so many messages, comments and kind words. I never expected it to strike a cord with so many people. I never anticipated creating new friends across the internet over such a life-changing experience... and it rocked me to my core.

My experience was sudden and I didn't have time to prepare. I'm not even sure how one can truly "prepare" to lose someone they love. It just happens, and we all figure out a way to cope and adjust. It's a different experience for everyone and everyone's healing looks different. I will say that in that moment when those words came across the phone wire and landed, with a thud, on my chest I went into super organized, disaster relief mode. My mother was dead, my father was injured and I had to gather my brother and sister and drive two hours while holding it all together.

I managed to get through some of the toughest phone calls I've ever had to make, meet with highway patrol, funeral directors and keep my family taken care of. Through it all, I learned that I could handle big things. I could manage through heartbreak and if I could survive this and keep my head up, what couldn't I do?

Over the years I've had friends who have lost parents and my advice is always the same... "It doesn't get easier, it just gets different....". The void changes over time and there are seasons that it widens so much you think it might swallow you up, but there are times when its just a crack. It's been incredible to be there for others and hug them tight and tell them I understand, to tell them that there are no words anyone can say to make it stop. The grief will last as long as the memories do. It's a constant ebb and flow of pain and love.

My initial reaction was "Why?" but things started to unfold that never would have happened otherwise. This event set a ripple into motion that led me to the man that's now my husband. I found myself surrounded by incredibly inspiring and supportive people that I never would have crossed paths with and went down a completely different path than the college plan that I was supposed to start 2 months later.

Here I am today, married to my best friend, surrounded by supportive female figures that fill the mom void ten-fold and (although a little scuffed and scarred) stronger than I was. I still get choked up when I put Christmas ornaments on my tree and I'm always going to shed a tear when a song that reminds me of her plays in the background. That's ok. And I'm ok. And we are all gonna be ok.

Xoxo,

Christina